To Belong To Oneself - McGillis and Almiria’s struggle for childhood autonomy

[teruzuki]

Notes: Originally written August 11th 2023 and published on both Twitter and Tumblr.

Although McGillis’ marriage to Almiria and fervent desire to ensure her happiness are key points of the character, there is an understandable hesitance in the fanbase to discuss it in-depth. It’s majorly uncomfortable to watch this adult man interact with a pre-teen in a pseudo-romantic fashion. The desire to just ignore it as best as possible is not unreasonable. But with the release of the new Almiria-focused side story, I really want to discuss what their relationship means to each of them and why it matters.

(Disclaimer: I don’t think IBO does a fantastic job at disavowing less benevolent reads of the situation, but this post is about an interpretation of the text-as-is in which their relationship is, while inappropriate, not one of sexual abuse.)



The most striking thing established by “Almiria in Love” is that Almiria’s desire to be perceived as an adult pre-dates even her first meeting with McGillis. It’s a wish that exists de-coupled from all romantic ideas of love - a core of Almiria as an individual.

Through all of canon, Almiria is never seen playing with same age peers. Her only companions appear to be her adult maids and her adult older brother, however rarely he’s home. While Gaelio, McGillis and Carta grew up around one another as playmates, Almiria appears to be fundamentally lonely. She is being raised isolated in a world made for adults, and she is painfully aware of it.

Almiria can’t find anyone in the world to take her seriously. All her social contacts treat her (rightfully) as a child and there are no peer relations to balance this out. When Almiria desires to become a grown-up, it’s a desire for autonomy, respect and companionship.

It’s not that Almiria wants to be an adult in order to become a wife. It’s that Almiria, after meeting McGillis, wants to become a wife in order to be an adult. Someone worthy of respect and consideration.



And that’s precisely why she quickly becomes obsessed with McGillis once they do meet - McGillis is the only one who thinks of her wishes, her reputation, who gives her the same respect he’d give someone of the same standing. Almiria is too young to truly understand love, but she does understand the thrill of finally being taken seriously.

In a lot of ways McGillis is not just her adult fiancé but also her first friend - the childish nickname ‘Macky’ certainly speaks to it.



The other striking part of “Almiria in Love” is McGillis’ offer to break the engagement should Almiria disagree with it. Is this a genuine offer? Is this a real possibility?

I’m going to argue that it’s not. McGillis is as trapped as Almiria here - their engagement is made by their fathers, both of whom seem to see them as property and political tools. McGillis doesn’t have any input here, no alternatives. He has to marry another of Sevens Stars bloodline to strengthen Iznario’s position - and it can’t be Carta, because Iznario is already her guardian and thus making further ties to her family would be redundant. It can’t be Gaelio or Iok because the Seven Stars run on bloodlines (at least as far as appearances are concerned) - McGillis is expected to produce an heir eventually.

Yet McGillis gives Almiria a choice. Why?

McGillis does not want Almiria to ever feel as helpless and powerless as he once did. After all, if there is anybody who can understand the horror of being sold to an adult stranger, it’s McGillis who has experienced it.

He treats Almiria with all the kindness he can muster in order to ensure that she feels like the wedding is, to a degree, her own choice. To give her that illusion of security and protect her from distress.

Through protecting Almiria, McGillis can protect his own younger self by proxy.



With that in mind, it’s extremely important that McGillis uses “ore” as a personal pronoun for this line - a pronoun McGillis only uses on the show when he is speaking as a child or when he narrating his childhood and acting based on his childhood trauma. His usual personal pronoun is the more polite “watashi”.

But here, in this moment, bathed in the golden glow of sunset, McGillis is speaking from the bottom of his traumatized heart. By meeting Almiria, he’s been granted an opportunity to save himself.

But that doesn’t mean that McGillis is actually in favor of child marriage. Rather, he seems to be the person most opposed to it.



When the topic is first introduced, we are treated to a near-claustrophobic close-up shot of McGillis’ darkening gaze. Even as he says that it’s alright, he is clearly not happy about the concept.



At the engagement party, we are shown a more obvious disavowing of the relationship forced upon them by their families. “The fate that we’ll face” can only refer to their wedding in this context - chronologically, this takes place before McGillis sets any of his schemes into movement.

So then, why does McGillis play along with the pseudo-romantic aspects of their dynamic so much?



For one, he truly believes this. Almiria is the finest of all the ladies here, because she is innocent. Unspoiled by society, by vain quests for power. McGillis hates the high society he is constantly socializing in. He finds them arrogant, lazy and corrupt. Almiria represents complete purity to McGillis - the ultimate incarnation of 'something worth protecting’.



And then, of course, he wants to make Almiria happy. Almiria’s happiness means saving himself, it means making Gaelio’s death mean something, it means reaching his goals.

So, what makes Almiria happy? This play at romance certainly seems to! Ultimately, McGillis has no frame of reference for healthy child development. When he was Almiria’s age, he already had a body count. How is he meant to interact with her? What boundaries does he need to set? It’s anything but intuitive to him.

The easiest way to make her happy is to give her what she herself thinks she desires - to be treated as a full-fledged fiancée/wife.

I don’t believe McGillis would ever touch her in a sexual way (he certainly knows the pain of that), but all the lip service to a romance between them? Sure, he’ll play the part if it makes her smile. McGillis is a very theatrical person - give him a role, and he’ll do it justice.




And even then, there is an interesting double meaning to scenes like this. When he promises Almiria a world in which everyone can love whomever they wish, Almiria interprets this to mean a world where their union is not a laughingstock. But for McGillis, who resents that they were forced to get engaged in the first place, this means a world in which Almiria could have grown up and chosen her own husband, whenever she was ready. A world in which weddings like theirs don’t exist to begin with.

But of course, things can’t go on like this forever. Almiria as the representation of a younger McGillis can’t be kept safe forever, because McGillis is incapable of not picking at his own wounds.

His schemes, his attempt murder of her brother, all get back to Almiria.



McGillis’ “then kill me” lines are, in my opinion, likewise genuine. He does not truly believe that she would, but if there is anybody who’s judgement he’d accept, it is hers. She’s more precious than his life because she represents the core of his goals.



For that reason, what he cannot accept is her ending her own life - that’d mean it was all for nothing. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Almiria is the only person McGillis ever discloses to that he used to be suicidal. Driving her to the same point of despair that he was in as a child is the hardest hitting punishment for McGillis.





Still, he is unwilling to give up.

No matter how long it takes, he will make Almiria happy. He will save himself through her.



It is not coincidence that the hand wound he obtains in his attempt to save her almost costs him his life when it hinders his piloting. McGillis has already failed by letting it get this far. He’s already tainted the one thing he wanted to preserve. It’s only Isurugi’s intervention that spares his life in that moment.

(As a side note, McGillis calling her a 'troublesome woman’ in this moment of fleeting irritation once again speaks to how little sense he has for age as a genuine factor in anything. “What’s a child? A small adult?” - part of the reason he can give Almiria the respect she craves is because he himself, in his stunted development, does not fully comprehend the gap between them.)

Almiria and McGillis are two people who seek their own fulfillment through the other. They are not in love, but they do love one another. Desperately, they crave the realization of their ideal self through their connection. Autonomy, safety. Happiness.



Naturally, McGillis dies with Almiria as his main regret.

He was going to make her happy. He was going to make himself happy. He was going to undo the past through her future.

One day, in a world where children can belong to themselves.